PARADOX for Tim

With all of us of split poles there seem to be demons. I met my soulmate, also bipolar. We were together for only three years.


We knew each other from the start.
He knew me; I knew his heart.
He fulfilled me but destroyed me as well.
He took me to heaven; I'd end up in Hell.

Our visions the same, our plans, our schemes,
We were beset by mirrored impracticable dreams.
Pursued by demons of varied addictions,
and led through a battery of rending afflictions.

We lived life the fullest, not always wise.
We battled our demons -- our way of life.
Through emotion and spirit we could not part
The thought unacceptable to both our hearts.

Driving his car on a gray dismal night.
a sudden twist in the road missed his sight.
Death soon parted us as I sadly watched
the eternal solution to a lovers’ paradox.

M JajdelskiCampbell Copyright May 2004

Explosion

Silence. Do not speak.
The word I do not say
Explodes in my mind.

Chinese Boxes

for Barbara



She is taken

by another face

there in her own.

Though she had never seen it

there before, she once heard

an older voice in her laughter,

And she is pleased with each

curve upon curve,

settling,

so pleased to see again

the face she had always loved.



Monica Lynn Sorenson 1986

BIPOLAR POEM-VERSION SECOND

Because Mom said she "didn't know where to start"
I always thought there were options
I didn't have to start at the beginning
I could start in the middle and go in all directions
if I wanted to

And that is what I have mostly done all my life.
And since I am always somewhere in the middle,
it is okay to jump from here to there
and I never work to the end,

I have the prospect of how and what will be done
from the map in my brain
Yes, the map in my brain.!
The map in my brain keeps everything straight.
It fits the pieces together.
I do not ever think about them.

I just keep going, faster and faster,
often with great passion.
Invariably things are accomplished to perfection
with great dedication and extreme effort.

I am exhilarated and exhausted
I wish sometimes that I knew moderation,
that I were not compulsive and driven
That I knew how to stop myself..

It is marvelous to be intelligent, motivated,
creative, energetic and accomplished--.
to be inquisitive and engrossed in life.
Though sometimes I would give up the passion
for just one day of going at a sensible pace.
But, then, I would not be Michele

Suddenly, the great headlong sinking
lower and lower, faster and faster
my spirit is falling, I’m petulant, I’m melancholy
my world is spinning out of focus

I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE!!!
the pain is too great..
And again, I must bring this disorder under my control
with medicine, counseling, and sheer will as I remember,

"Who would tell the children and what would they say?"

m jajdelskicampbell copyright may 2004

BIPOLAR-VERSION FIRST

(Remembering Mom)


As to any manner of work,
she always would say
"I don't know where to start."
So, I always thought there were options,
and I always start in the middle.
I go at one speed: FAST.
I'm in a passion now!!
Moving rapidly, working to a frenzy,
I'm at the height of perfection.
It will be the achievement of all time.
No one could do a better job than I am.
And now, everyone is pleased.
But I feel the expected drop coming --
the pull from mania to depression.
I jump from here to there; the way I do things;
my moods jump from high to low,
Up to down to down to up.

There is no even keel for this bipolar mind.

M JajdelskiCampbell Copyright ©2004