The Choice

Why did you leave so suddenly
just when I thought you would stay?
Imagine my astonishment
at finding out the role I was to play

You were recovering so well
and then you woke wrenching in pain.
Something had gone horribly wrong.
It' was back to the hospital again.

They came to consult me on
likely impairments vs. risk of life.
Who was I to make the choice
I'm not a doctor; I was your wife.

I never aspired to have power
over the fate of my fellow man
surely not over life and death
I've no vast wisdom or acumen.

I did, however, have insight
You were my love and soul mate,
You would be miserable paralyzed
your spirit in a body you would hate.

I held your hand til you were gone.
Your face relaxed into a smile
I leaned and kissed you one last time
at peace for the first time in awhile.

MJC
Copyright October 2007

Micki Ann

She is not like the other little girls
White blonde hair and sea blue eyes
Perfect visage like a porcelain doll
Today her mood bright as a Texas sky

But sometimes it is gloomy and dark
Like a cold sleeting storm on the sea
Turns her thoughts to hopelessness
She wilts and crashes to her knees

She has a mental illness. A mood disorder
She sees the doctors. No secrets. Tells all.
She's on exhibition. The others stare at her.
How unfair and sad for one so small.

Her life will never be her own
Dependent on therapy and medication,
She has a formidable task ahead of her
Bouncing between depression and elation.

Who will be there when she comes up or down?

MJC
Copyright October 2007

IN MY LOST MOMENTS To Tim

In my lost moments
I see your face
look into your eyes
of willow green, with
butterflies in my stomach,
recalling “Those Eyes! "
"They will be my undoing."
A self-fulfilling prophecy
accurately made.
But to our amazement,
it wasn‘t one-way.
We were not only
compatible lovers but friends
and much more.
We were soulmates.
And every now and then,
I feel your breath
and sense your presence all around.
Quickly the moment is gone.
As are you except in my mind.

MJC
Copyright July 2007

THE LEGACY

Where is mom ? She's gone you say.
You believe people disappear
"There's no one there after death,"
Let me put to rest your fear.

Look all around you, little girl.
Look at that familiar face
and your hair with natural curl
you've her poise and grace.

She's in my love of a Boulder sky
or when I hear a piano playing Chopin.
My trust in a Doberman's brown eyes
is because of her love for a dog named Rodin.

These things are part of mom - a legacy..
She planted values, love, and a dream.
Those things will always be with us.
It was her goal, her plan, her scheme.

MJC
Copyright August 2007

The Loss

Don't you hate it when you lose your mind
and no one seems to notice
that you can't function "normally."

And they want you to go on through the day
as if nothing had happened.
And you are crying inside hysterically.

The fear of losing control of your world
The confusion where things start to blur
You're holding on to sanity vehemently.

They think you can control the thoughts
and the pain and the panic
that you are in mentally and physically

They want to know "Where's your smile?"
"Now that's more like it. Just Relax."
Things will work out wonderfully!"

I don't smile because I grieve.
I lost a part of me.
And I grieve for her...TRAGICALLY.

She may not have meant much to you,
but she was all I had and I loved her.
I miss her and shed a tear for my loss.

MJC
Copyright June 2007

Miracle in the Field - April 2007

We five bundled up with boots
and coats, hats, mittens and scarves
until we looked like the mummy
in the Saturday scary movies
We could actually move about as well.

Out we went, facing the blinding snow
We would make our presence known
on that blank field of powdery white fluff
where we could create a multitude of tracks
in secret code round and round a circle.

Then ever so faint steps to the bare field
We lay down on our backs, arms outstretched
and moved them with great fury up and down
from our head to the side of our hips
spreading our legs back and forth as well.

Ever so carefully, we got up from the spot
we had lain in and picked our way carefully
stepping in our former footsteps
LO! We had made beautiful fresh images
in the perfect unmarked snow...

Back in the house we settled in for hot chocolate.
The temperature was dropping and we were glad
to amuse ourselves with a game of dominoes
Mother looked out toward the back field,
"Now just look at that, will you,
there are five angels in that field."


MJC
Copyright April 2007

WILLOW GREEN 1-2007

His eyes twinkled willow green
Peering through the pools to
his Irish soul, she murmured,

"Oh, those eyes will surely lead
to such a state of affairs!"

And what a remarkable
Affair it was.

MJC
Copyright January 2007

THE EYES HAVE IT 10-2006

All the happy eyes --
reflecting carefree joy
My bipolar mood belies
a most depressive ploy.

All the smiling eyes --
my friends have not a care
I long to be like them
flinging worries in the air.

All the dancing eyes --
mirror mirth and pleasure.
My dejected mood is a
let down you can measure.

All the laughing eyes --
like a happy child at play.
While my eyes leak tears.
in a bleak world of gray.

Oh someone stop the pain!.
I have finally come to realize
It stings to see those happy
smiling, dancing, laughing eyes !

MJC
Copyright October 21, 2006

THE DEMON 4-2007

Where were you when I was so in love with you
You were running after your obsession
and I kept believing it was a phase

Where were you when I needed you
You were running after your obsession
and I carried the load

Where were you when I was lonely
You were running after your obsession
and I sat alone and cried

Your obsession was like a demon...
it called, it demanded.

demanded that you ignore feelings as you watched me go
demanded that you forget about love and goodness.
demanded the ultimate price - Your life.

I could not fight with the demon.
But I am at peace now
the demon can make no more demands on you
and you are finally at peace.

MJC
Copyright April 2007

PRAYER IN AN AIRPORT - 1-2007

The boy clung to his father
"Please don't make me go!

I cannot bear to keep on
going back and forth!

Two rooms, two closets,
two sets of rules

This joint custody is like an axe,
splitting me in two.


MJC
Copyright January 2007

NO MAJOR FLAWS - To Kathryn

Too young to be grown up, too old for a child
I appear to be lazy while hormones spring wild.
My brain reigns confusion; I feel in a trap.
while the adults are upon me creating a flap.

I’d much prefer no one ever see me cry.
My bedroom resembles the proverbial sty
but I haven’t the energy to clean up the mess
so there is refuge of peace and neatness.

I’ve not done my homework, or not done it right..
My teachers are helpful, but my grades are a fright.
Then when my actions are discovered I’m grounded.
The adults become madder and I am more hounded.

I’m performing these tricks out of my own frustration
Something’s quite wrong with my own situation.
I don’t know the way, the plan or motivation
to be the girl wanted by the “Organization”.

The whole situation is exceedingly tragic.
My raging and sulking are my new kind of magic.
They stir up my mother with guilt to extreme
Maybe she’ll fix this thing so bothering me.

This is my shriek for some help from my mom.
Be tough on me, please. Please bring me some calm.
My behavior’s unsuitable. But look for the cause.
I am sure you will find there are no major flaws.




MJC
Copyright April 2007

Touche - 2-2007

Who do you think you are
sauntering up here to me
wearing that look of superiority
and that cocky grin?

Why do you think that I
would go out with you
just because all the other girls
are crazy falling all over themselves?

What time are you planning to
come by to pick me up so that
you can meet my Dad and go
through the Inquisition?

MJC
Copyright February 2007

My Knight in Dripping Armor - 4/2006

My knight in dripping armor
jostled me rushing in to shore.
Fearing an ocean in my lungs and
hearing my final gulp of air
he threw me down upon the sand.
His frantic motions actually CPR.

My chest was full and throbbing .
I was struggling to come back.
But then a cough, a heave and
a feeling I had reached a destination.
I searched the face above me:
eye to eye and soul to soul.

I’m long past magic and heroes,
Make-believe or fairytale scenes.
I’ve never seen this or any knight before;
"Dripping armor," "shining" or otherwise.
So how do I know those piercing green eyes
and that voice that finally spoke, “Milady.”?


MJC
April 2006

The Visit - 1-2007

Sitting in the airport to take a flight
Tossing a football to and fro
A man and a boy waiting to go.

Suddenly, the boy whispers, "I love you."
A single tear rolls down his small cheek.
Pale blue eyes gaze pleadingly at the man.
Who grasps the young boy in a fierce hug.

Clinging onto his last shred of composure.
With misty hazel eyes the man forces a smile
and utters in a husky voice to the child,

"Son, it's only three months til our next visit."

MJC
Copyright January 2007