ARABESQUE

I listened to you play last night
every note sparkling as it always did
clear as crystal
running in escalating scales and then
crashing chords diminishing to the smallest sound.
You were always the master of the keyboard.
The storyteller.
Every piece describing something,
the peacock, the cabaret dancer,
the woman in love by the moonlight.
It is a comfort to hear you once again
Y.ou are still here with me whenever I hear
any music we enjoyed together.
It was your music. You played it for me.
And you still do.

A NEW MOMENT

His mother knew, clutching at the pastor’s robe,
wailing from her innermost being
as they put the lifeless body of her son
into the ground
that his demons put him there.
So much a power of evil are demons;
they destroyed that sensitive spirit.
One who could not survive in this world
because he was one of melancholy.
He would not be cured by his medicine
and turned to alcohol to numb his pain.
His mother knew as she was driven away
from that hill
that his demons would not badger him again.
That her son’s spirit was finally free.
That a new moment had begun for him.
And way down, in her innermost being, she
rejoiced for him.

M JajdelskiCampbell Copyright May 2004

WHO WE ARE

Some of us are wide awake
and happily greet the day
while others pull the curtains tight
and wish the light away.

We walk a different path
from those who have stability
but we make it up with levels
of "hypo"- tuned ability.

Great leaps of enthusiasm
and zest for the game
and hellish descents to the
bottom of boredom and pain.

We feel much more deeply
our emotions are primed
Our moods are in charge often
and these episodes are not timed.

It's a grandiose feeling
followed by misery.
A blast from the past
and followed by the mystery.

Why you can't plan
all these mood switching
roller coaster rides; but
trembling, angry and twitching

we go on our way past that .
We figure it out after the mad,
the frustration wears out and
find the brilliance and it's not so bad.

And slowly we sink back into
that peaceful state of stability
just for awhile; long enough to
acquire that false sense of normality.

Do Not Be Fooled! It Does Not Last For Long!

RAGE for a friend

RAGE for a friend
What are the demons that tear at your soul
?What is it that rends you out of control?
What twists your gut and makes you dread?
What turned your soul this hue of red?

Who encouraged you to that hate mindset?
Who taught you its" him or you "with no regret?
Why do you spew out violent rage?
Why are you so like a primal savage?

You live your live with malevolent hate
;it’s something youll never satiate.
When will you open your eyes and see
that people are regarded individually?

Can you not clear your mind and your heart
and give yourself a healthy start?

PARADOX for Tim

With all of us of split poles there seem to be demons. I met my soulmate, also bipolar. We were together for only three years.


We knew each other from the start.
He knew me; I knew his heart.
He fulfilled me but destroyed me as well.
He took me to heaven; I'd end up in Hell.

Our visions the same, our plans, our schemes,
We were beset by mirrored impracticable dreams.
Pursued by demons of varied addictions,
and led through a battery of rending afflictions.

We lived life the fullest, not always wise.
We battled our demons -- our way of life.
Through emotion and spirit we could not part
The thought unacceptable to both our hearts.

Driving his car on a gray dismal night.
a sudden twist in the road missed his sight.
Death soon parted us as I sadly watched
the eternal solution to a lovers’ paradox.

M JajdelskiCampbell Copyright May 2004

Explosion

Silence. Do not speak.
The word I do not say
Explodes in my mind.

Chinese Boxes

for Barbara



She is taken

by another face

there in her own.

Though she had never seen it

there before, she once heard

an older voice in her laughter,

And she is pleased with each

curve upon curve,

settling,

so pleased to see again

the face she had always loved.



Monica Lynn Sorenson 1986

BIPOLAR POEM-VERSION SECOND

Because Mom said she "didn't know where to start"
I always thought there were options
I didn't have to start at the beginning
I could start in the middle and go in all directions
if I wanted to

And that is what I have mostly done all my life.
And since I am always somewhere in the middle,
it is okay to jump from here to there
and I never work to the end,

I have the prospect of how and what will be done
from the map in my brain
Yes, the map in my brain.!
The map in my brain keeps everything straight.
It fits the pieces together.
I do not ever think about them.

I just keep going, faster and faster,
often with great passion.
Invariably things are accomplished to perfection
with great dedication and extreme effort.

I am exhilarated and exhausted
I wish sometimes that I knew moderation,
that I were not compulsive and driven
That I knew how to stop myself..

It is marvelous to be intelligent, motivated,
creative, energetic and accomplished--.
to be inquisitive and engrossed in life.
Though sometimes I would give up the passion
for just one day of going at a sensible pace.
But, then, I would not be Michele

Suddenly, the great headlong sinking
lower and lower, faster and faster
my spirit is falling, I’m petulant, I’m melancholy
my world is spinning out of focus

I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE!!!
the pain is too great..
And again, I must bring this disorder under my control
with medicine, counseling, and sheer will as I remember,

"Who would tell the children and what would they say?"

m jajdelskicampbell copyright may 2004

BIPOLAR-VERSION FIRST

(Remembering Mom)


As to any manner of work,
she always would say
"I don't know where to start."
So, I always thought there were options,
and I always start in the middle.
I go at one speed: FAST.
I'm in a passion now!!
Moving rapidly, working to a frenzy,
I'm at the height of perfection.
It will be the achievement of all time.
No one could do a better job than I am.
And now, everyone is pleased.
But I feel the expected drop coming --
the pull from mania to depression.
I jump from here to there; the way I do things;
my moods jump from high to low,
Up to down to down to up.

There is no even keel for this bipolar mind.

M JajdelskiCampbell Copyright ©2004

Today's Victory

Today is a victory
I've stayed awake
I've fed the cat
I didn't shake.

I took a walk
on the bicycle path
read a book and
took a warm bath

I want so much more!
Excitement and Zest!
I just stayed awake
because that was my best

M JajdelskiCampbell
Copyright September 2004

INDIFFERENCE

Indifference


She never cared what others thought
She learned the classics she was taught.
Her taste was quite one of her own.
She didn't date, she stayed at home
and read, and wrote and talked to her cat.

She fell in love when she was older
With someone younger. She was bolder
and did not care what people said
She smiled and danced and tossed her head
and loved her soulmate with all her heart.

He died, you know,but she lived on.
A lone old woman with her love long gone.
She walks tall, her head held high.
She doesn't let others see her cry,
and she reads and writes and talks to her cat.

M JajdelskiCampbell

A Simple Man

To Bill


Easy in a pair of boots and Levis
working cattle or working wood or
wearing a suit into the office
he's a simple man of basic good.

His beard is streaked with gray and brown
and he sets his jaw that certain way
that says he has a personal code
of living life how he will say.

Blue eyes can read a person's face
or see the beauty of a Texas sky.
In them you'll see compassion
his heart shows in those eyes.

His own good sense of what is right
has integrity rated number one.
He's a selfless and a thoughtful man.
His time is for family, friends and fun.

I'm glad to know this man of honor.
I cannot think of any other
that gives more meaning to my life
than Bill, my marvelous younger brother.

Michele JajdelskiCampbell
Copyright Sept. 2004

IT'S COOL

Comfortable without the heater.
The air has warmed the pool
and finally the time of summer
when the air is no longer cool.

Roasting pits, gas grills and giant pots
a time for shrimp and crawfish boils,
beercan yardbirds, roasted pigs,
and boudine sausages wrapped in foils.

Long afternoons stretching into nights
with friends in the hot tub and the pool
and Willie and Kris wailing familiar tunes
a beer with my buddies --- that’s cool.


M JajdelskiCampbell Copyright May 2004